2 December 2004

2-3 December 2004 - And now I'm back to the grindstone. My leave ended on the 29th of Nov, and it took less then 2 days to get me from the US back to Mosul. I arrived yesterday evening and have already been thrown back into the lion's den. I've been busy all day working out issues related to our redeployment.

The flight into Virginia from Atlanta was quiet and uneventful. I sat beside an individual who asked me a lot of questions about the work we're doing in Iraq. He was very supportive of what we were doing there, and he expressed his dismay at how the news only focuses on the negative and not on any of the positives. I felt good to be able to tell him about the good work that we do, and what we are seeing from the locals. How they're supportive of us, although they do feel we're not moving fast enough to stop this insurgency. This leg of the journey was the first time since leaving Iraq that I actually began to get excited about my leave. Prior to this, in the back of my mind was the thought that something could go wrong that would delay my leave, but now, I was finally there. I walked up that walkway into the terminal, and there, separated by a pane of glass, was my wife, my love. The woman whom I hadn't seen in almost 10 months, was standing there, radiant and beautiful. I try not to be an emotional person, but seeing her standing there, brought a tear to my eye. Then, as I came around through the gate, time felt like it stood still until I was standing right next to her, holding her in my arms...again...finally. I felt like I was hugging her again for the first time. Kathy summed it pretty well in her post on the Military.com forums.

"He flew in Saturday afternoon Of course I was running late, and on a full adrenaline rush. I went the the ticket counter and spoke to the lady about the circumstances and asked if it would be possible to get a special pass that would allow me to meet him at the gate. She was great!!! I had about 10 minutes before his flight landed so, with the special pass in hand I made a mad dash to the security point. Fortunately the line was tiny (JOY!) I ran to his gate w/ 2 minutes before his plane pulled up. As soon as his plane did pull up to the gate, I was crying....(there goes the make-up). Then passengers were coming off the plane. Well how this particular gate was structured, they came up the ramp and then you can see them come thru a glass hallway for about 15 feet. So when he came thru, in his DCU's, it was like slow motion. Our eyes were completely fixed on eachother. I stood there. I couldn't move. I dropped my purse and coat right before he got to me. It was the biggest, safest hug I ever had. I totally lost it. And he was just whispering "Its OK, I'm home, I'm home" (I'm shaking as I'm typing this). We just hugged eachother, it probably was only like 5 minutes standing there holding each other, but really time just stood still. ::happy sigh::"

Kathy and I had fun plans for my two weeks of leave. We were going to go to Key West, to a romantic resort and spend some time with each other, go scuba diving, and enjoy the beautiful weather. Alas, this wasn't in the cards for us. I arrived on a Saturday afternoon, and spent most of Sunday with my father at his new home (well...new to me). Kat and I intended to go over, see the parents for a couple of hours, and then head out to do some things. We ended up spending the entire afternoon there. Something about my father now...I understand him now and enjoy spending time with him. Again, it still amazes me how things have changed so much since I was in High School and College. Anyways, what we didn't know was that morning, a close and dear friend of the family had passed on. Stamo Stamos, the man who we never thought would slow down, much less pass away, had succumbed to cancer. Dad called and tried to tell me about it, but after being this man's friend for almost 40 years, he was, understandably, upset and he had to pass the phone off to his wife. As soon as I hung up the phone, Kathy and I decided then and there that we would cancel our trip to Florida. I have never known any time in my life when Stamo was not around, and I couldn't fathom going to Key West right after he had passed away. What if we missed the wake, or the funeral. I could never accept that. We made our arrangements with the airlines, resort, and car company. It wasn't as bad as it could've been. Jim and his wife, Abbie, joined us for dinner, which was wonderful since I was afraid that I would miss seeing her before she gave birth. I had the unfortunate luck to inform my brother about Stamo. It was a surreal moment. The first week was spent taking it easy and checking to make sure my father was alright, visiting my civilian employer, and just getting back to an ordinary life. Scared the hell out of Kat when I first drove my truck. Unlike a Humvee which is heavy as hell, I didn't need to floor the accelerator, but when I did the truck took off like a bat out of hell. I think Kathy left finger marks in the armrest. It was funny after the fact. Stamo's wake was a Thursday night. Kathy and I got to the funeral home early, so we decided to honor Stamo and get a drink before the wake. Although Stamo is Greek, we ended up at a local Irish pub, drank down a pint each in his honor, and then headed back to the funeral home. I have only seen my father cry once in my lifetime (may be more, but I only remember once...when his father passed away) and this night made it twice. I've always seen my father as a rock...nothing phases him...but this time I saw a more human side of him. He seemed to be fine until we got there, but then he got choked up. It was then that I knew that Stamo's passing away and my coming home on leave at the same time was for a reason (since I wasn't supposed to come home for another week)...to be there to support my father, just as he has done for me all my life. Now it was my turn. The service was not elaborate, nor was it long, but it was exactly as Stamo would want it to be. There was Jazz playing in the background, it was a closed casket, and Stamo was laid to rest with a golf club and a martini glass...I've never heard anything so appropriate for someone. We paid our respects to his family, and then we went back to my father's, and spent another few hours visiting, drinking martini's and what not. As difficult as the night was, the time afterwards was just what we all needed. The funeral was that Friday at Quantico. Since Stamo was a retired Navy Master Chief from the Korean War, he was buried with full military honors. I don't remember much more after the funeral or what we did.

After such a rough start to my leave, we decided to drive to Ohio, instead of flying, to visit Kat's family, my in-laws. I hadn't seen them for over a year, and it was an extremely enjoyable visit. Every time I visit Kat's family, I like them more and more. They all have such a joyous air about them. Whereas my immediate family has no children, Kat's side of the family has 5 children, all under 5 years old, all very vibrant and alive. As adults, we sometimes forget what it was like to be a child with no cares or worries. Kathy's brother and his wife have 3 daughters, and when I left, only two were born, and only one knew who I was, the other afraid of me. But this time, although I barely knew the two youngest, they all warmed up to me very quickly. They all made me feel so good about having children around. The 2-year old daughter was so sweet...she would just come up and sit on the couch next to me. She would hold my hand and watch TV. The eldest always wanted to play. She was so cute, even if she had 100 times more energy then I had. Kat's other brother and his wife have a son and a daughter, both of who are going to grow up to be knockouts. They weren't as warm to me since I see them so rarely, but they were soooo cute playing and just having fun!! I really love my extended family...they're so much fun to be with. After Ohio, Kathy and I spent a couple of days at Coolfont Spa in Berkley Springs, WV, pampering ourselves and enjoying the relaxing amenities they offered. I'll tell you, it was the most relaxing days I've had since 2003. A 90 minute massage can do wonders for anyone. Anyone who wants to do something nice for their soldier when he/she gets home, I highly recommend getting them a long massage to help work out the stress knots from their muscles. I felt like a new man after that. The rest of my leave was spent with friends and family. I was fortunate that I had the opportunity to come home for a major holiday. We had Thanksgiving at my father's, with the entire family and their significant others. I've never enjoyed a Thanksgiving as much as I did this year. Most likely b/c it was with my family, I was home from such hell, and everyone was happy despite the previous week. We spent over 10 hours laughing, drinking, and eating. Things were just as I had hoped they would be. I even got to cook a couple of times. We had a small get together at our place a couple of days before I left, and I got to cook a new recipe that I had seen while I was in Iraq. Since we don't get to cook our own food, it was such a treat. I love to cook, and I find it emotionally gratifying to see people enjoying the dishes I've created. I introduced one of my closest friends to lamb, something she had never eaten before. It's those little things that I cherish so much, and look forward to doing again when I return home. My leave after getting to spend a Sunday watching football, and then going to dinner and a movie with my brother. It was...an ideal end. The 29th was the final day of my leave.

Kat and I drove to the airport, planning on a large Monday business crowd. Amazingly, the ticket counter was relatively empty, so we got through quickly. Not sure why, but my bags went through the TSA hat dance and had to be "specially" screened. Guess they're overly concerned about us returning soldiers...who knows what crazy things we may do. Unlike the day Kat picked me up, the ticket counter supervisor wouldn't allow Kathy to join me at the gate. He said it was the TSA who wouldn't allow it, and then he tried to tell us that he wasn't allowed to escort his own brother in law out to the gate. Uh huh...horse hockey! As much as I didn't believe his story, I think it was better that Kathy wasn't at the gate seeing me off. Whenever I see Kat cry, it really tugs at my heart, and to see her cry as I leave again...well, I didn't have to experience that again. We said our goodbyes outside the security gate, she did cry a little, then she walked away. As hard as it was, it was the for the best to not draw out the goodbye. This one was a little easier since we both now knew what to expect, plus it is the home stretch. We're almost done, and then we'll be back together. The flights back to Kuwait were uneventful. Amazingly, it took less then a day to get me back into Iraq once I was in Kuwait, whereas it took over 2 days to get me out. Go figure. Now I am recharged and ready for the final push...no matter what may come.

7 December 2004 - Been back about a week, and I'm already ready to leave. A few things I noticed upon getting back in country...it's 20 degrees colder then when I left. I guess fall happened while I was in the US and now we're already into Winter. I thought the rain had stopped, but I'm being told otherwise now. It's going to rain off and on for the next 3 months (in other words it'll sprinkle at least once each of the next 3 months). Life here goes on as it did before I left. The mortars have subsided to about one every other day (knock on wood). Mind you I'm not complaining. When it comes to mortars...less is good. It did take me a couple of days to realize that we (the Coalition) are now firing artillery and mortars out towards the enemy, regardless of where they are in the city. And since the artillery is nearby, it's loud. The first few times they fired off the base, I thought it was incoming and made a running leap for the bunker. BUT...and Jim might be proud of this...after the first few shots I recognized it as US Artillery 105mm rounds being fired. Guess I got used to them being fired all the time at Ft Campbell, and it took a few rounds to come back to me. I don't know what the results of the fires are, except that it is having a small psychological effect on the populace and they're starting to rat out the insurgents more then they have been in the past 2 months. Guess that's good. Sounds like it's a matter of who they're afraid of more...us or the insurgents. Well...we have bigger guns. The city is in turmoil. I fear that we (the coalition) is going to lose this city to the insurgents much like Fallujah was lost. Too few boots on the ground. We're supposed to be protecting these people, but it's come out that the insurgents are starting to stop petty criminals...to protect shopkeepers from damage whenever an attack is going to happen. They've even begun to use their vast financial holdings to provide food and water to the people who are lacking in it. Don't know about the rest of you, but I seriously doubt we're going to be able to win the hearts and minds of the people if the insurgents are the ones that keep food and water on their tables. Sounds like the days of organized crime...when they ran the cities...provided (in a round about way) for all the people, but still used the heavy handed tactics to keep them in line when necessary. No one rose up against them b/c they were afraid of losing everything that was provided by them. Sounds basically like it's becoming here. I'm sure that the insurgency is gaining some strength in Mosul, and to be honest it does cause me some angst. So, my leave, as fun as it was, is behind me and I have to refocus on the tasks at hand.

Speaking of leave, it's been difficult since I got back. That first night back in my lonely, cold bed was a long one. It took me a few hours to just fall asleep. I've had to do busy work to keep the post-leave depression from setting in, which is a syndrome we've seen plenty of times in other soldiers. When I left for this deployment back in 2003, I was very focused on what was upcoming, and found that I didn't think too much about home and the life I was leaving. The uncertainty of what we were going to face was the driving factor in that. This time, I knew what I was heading back too. I knew that the end was coming soon. And I had already started to become accustomed to being back in the US. Having my wife next to me all the time was heaven (not hell like some guys think). The flight back I didn't think too much about leaving the family. It wasn't until I was done moving and was lying in my bed when I realized that my bed was as full as it was going to get...just me and my pillows. How depressing that was. Things have gotten better for me (emotionally), but I find myself thinking of home so much more then I did before. The short time until we leave here I believe is contributing to that as well. It's amazing how we, as humans, become accustomed to something being there...a smell...a sound...and then when it's gone we miss it so much. Somehow we've become emotionally attached to that little thing. While I was home, the first night Kathy and I went to sleep, we fell back into our usual sleeping positions, and the way I sleep, my face is right next to her head, and I can hear her breathing when she's asleep. I found myself waking up multiple times every night, and I would just lay there and listen to her breath. It was so soothing and relaxing. Now, it's not here and I have had to go back to listening to music to fall asleep too. And I miss cooking again. I didn't get to do it much while I was home, but the little bit that I did was soooooooo much fun. I tried out two new recipes while I was home, and they were delicious. I need to look for more recipes, but I can't wait to get back to my kitchen!!

The chaplain surprised me the other day during our staff meeting. He was giving his usual briefing, and the last thing he briefed about was that the Christmas pictures of family and friends were already starting to come in. So he held up the following pic and said that the first one was for CPT Monihan. The caption on the picture said "Merry Christmas John! Love, All your ladies".And here's the best part...I got compliments on how beautiful my wife and friends are. Of course, I got some ribbing from a few officers (MAJ Dunn/CPT Bentley not to name names) about being a "Moroccan Stud" and this picture proved it. I was mildly embarrassed, but to be totally honest, there's nothing like the pride of showing off pretty people who I can call my friends...and better yet who call me their friend. So here's the picture:

Also, for all those who contributed to Kathy and the massive care packages that she sent....the soldiers want to say thank you!! I finally got the boxes hauled up to the MWR room, hung up the signed banner, and then made a net call and invited the company soldiers to "come and get it if they wanted it". The response was pretty good considering that I laid out all the boxes after working hours when most people go into hiding in their CHU's. So I set all the boxes on the floor (not enough table space), and then opened all the boxes to see what was in them! HOLY MOLY!!! I was astounded by the cornucopia of treats that lay before me. Ok...I admit it...I grabbed a few things out before everyone else had come in. Especially a rice krispies treat!! MAN...that was tasty!! Anyways...so the feeding bell had sounded and when soldiers hear about free vittles, they come running. And as soon as they got in there, they tore into the boxes. Some of these guys needed bags to walk out. It was like they were shopping at a convenience store. Everyone was all smiles.

Ok...so all in, other then the absolute feeling of loneliness that has stemmed from coming back from leave, it's been an alright week.

11 December 2004 - We had this article published in the Army Times, the Marine Times, and a myriad of other papers on the 9th. http://jacksonsun.gannettonline.com/gns/iraq/20041209-53725.shtml

I know that there has been a lot of talk in the media about the armoring of vehicles that soldiers are using in theater. Seeing as me and my soldiers are directly involved in this, I'm going to share my own views on this. First off, read the article, and pay especially close attention to that last statement made by LT Lewis (yes...I know him...and he's a pretty good officer). Lewis states that the active component is struggling just as we are to armor vehicles, and he's right. First off...my response to the National Guard soldier who questioned Rumsfeld about the armoring. I agree with Rumsfeld's answer of going to war with the Army you have, not the one you wish you had. If that was the case, we would never go to war b/c new things are always coming out which we "wish" we had right away, but we can't have b/c they haven't been tested or proven. Second, this Guardsman (as I understand it) is one who is stationed in Kuwait. While Kuwait is still considered a hazardous duty zone, I feel that this soldier was just whining, even if a reporter had asked him to ask the question. All he did, in my eyes, was make himself and the rest of the soldiers forced to stay in Kuwait, look like a bunch of cry babies. They may venture into Iraq for convoys, but they sure as hell don't live amongst this. They should be happy that at the end of the day, they get to go back to a nice, secure base with little chance of them being killed while they sleep. Third, anyone who says that the Active Army is getting better equipment over the National Guard who are deployed here obviously hasn't been in Iraq working side by side with the active component. Sure, the National Guard, by design, has equipment that may be 2-4 generations older then what the active guys are using, but once in theater, I have YET to see any active unit get anything more then a Guard unit. In some instances, I've seen Guard units get equipment before the active components b/c their mission dictates they need the equipment. The heavily sought after equipment is given to those units that need it to accomplish their mission, regardless of where they come from. Fourth, when we got into theater, the 3/2 SBCT had these high speed, killing machines called the Stryker vehicle. Those vehicles were armored to the hilt, capable of stopping any small arms rounds and just about any IED explosions. However, all their humvees and transport trucks weren't armored. They had a hodgepodge of scavenged steel welded to their vehicles too. Their welders had gone through, ripped parts off the side of tanks and APC's, and then welded it to their nice, new trucks. They had the Monster Garage vehicles going on...just like we do. It's taken up until about 8 months ago for the up-armoring kits to arrive in theater and for the units to start getting them installed...and mind you, the distribution was evenly split amongst those that needed them based on missions. In fact...we had some of the first up-armored humvee kits, ballistic windshields, etc to be installed in the Northern AO b/c we were handling the EOD mission for disposing of IED's and unexploded ordnance. ALL of the units in the Northern AO are still in need of armor, so the argument that the actives are getting better protection then the Guard falls on my deaf ears.

I think it's about perception really. Many of the Guard members have been told over and over again that they are the bastard children of the Army, and that they get the hand-me downs. That they're second rate soldiers compared to the active soldiers who do this for a living, and the actives are led to believe that too. This unit started that way when we got into theater, but over the months, I've seen a dramatic shift in perceptions, both by the active units and our own soldiers. I haven't met a single officer in the 3/2 SBCT or the 1/25 SBCT that looks at my unit patch and goes "Oh...your in the Guard". Instead, we get included in everything...we're knee deep in the thick of things with the units. Our units we support are always asking for the 276th Engineers to "come out and play" whenever they have to run missions. Again...this is my perception...but it's obvious to me that this unit has changed many of the beliefs of the Guard, and we've proven that a Guard unit can hang with any of the Active units. Hell...even the Brigade Command Sergeant Major listens to our Command Sergeant Major when it comes down to soldier care. We've proven ourselves. We maintained an attitude that we're not second best, and that we belong working beside the Strykers. This is what all Guard units need to do, and stop their bitching about the active units "looking down their noses" at them.

Ok...enough on that. Some things that I need to let everyone know. Please do not send anymore packages. All incoming mail must be sent by Dec 26. Not sure when we'll stop receiving mail, but that's the date that's been requested people stop sending anything. We can continue to send out mail until the last day. We won't be able to receive mail in Kuwait or at Ft Dix, so after the 26th, that's it. How long it takes us to get home is unknown, as there are literally thousands of other soldiers coming and going, and we're not very high on the priority list...but at least we're on that list.

21 December 2004 - To all those who have loaned me their angels....thank you. As many have no doubt heard already, there was a serious attack on our base resulting in mass casualties. Since I am not allowed to say anything about the incident, I will let the following links tell the story.

Currently, the Richmond Times Dispatch has an embedded reporter, Jeremy Redmond, and a photographer, Dean Hoffmeyer, with our unit as part of the "Mission: Mosul" series. They were present at the site when the attack occurred.

Mosul attack kills 24, wounds 64; local reporters on scene - RichmondTimesDispatch.com
or at
Chaos at Scene of Mosul Attack - FOXNews.com

The pictures do not do the carnage justice. Dean, being the ever vigilant photographer that he is, began snapping pictures as soon as he could. He was the only person on the scene to get any pictures, as soldiers were busy providing first aid and recovery of the injured. I, fortunately, had decided to go to lunch late so that I could coordinate some issues with a neighboring Battalion. I was getting ready to go to lunch when the attack happened. I began assisting the medics in getting gear and equipment ready so they could head to the attack site. Some of our officers on the scene were available to provide us information as things progressed. Those of us in the TOC went about with our mass casualty procedures, accounting for soldiers, rounding up aid, etc. I saw many of the pictures that Dean took, and rightly so, they should not be published at this time. I have been extremely lucky since getting here, and I pray that all those who were present when the explosion happened are able to come to grips with what they have seen and experienced, and can be at peace with themselves...no one should feel guilty for being a survivor.

23 December 2004 - By now, most people have heard about the attack on the base that I call home, and no doubt they have heard that it is believed to be a suicide bomber who carried out the attack. I don't know if that's true or not (they tell us less then they tell the public), but based on what I have seen, I have no doubt of this. When I woke up this morning, I had accepted that the attack could've been a rocket, and I was fine with that. A lucky shot by an insurgent was bound to happen, especially when they're shooting at such a large target. BUT...when I heard that the SECDEF said it was a suicide bomber, my attitude changed. There has been an ongoing conflict within myself since I got here. To trust the ING or not to trust the ING...that is the question. I have been trying to accept that many of the ING, a lot of them former Iraqi Army members, were doing this for more then just money. That many of them were working with the Coalition Forces because they truly wanted to change their country for the better. Now, after hearing the news reports, I'm more incensed then I have ever been at the ING. In Vietnam, I'm sure there were a number of GI's who befriended the local Vietnamese, and were disappointed to learn that some of them may have collaborated with the NVA. And as it is now, I'm sure that there were a lot of GI's who felt betrayed by those they thought may become friends, or were friends for that matter. What was old, is new seems to be the theme...not just in fashions...but in war. As in Vietnam, the US bases had locals working on them, as well as members of the Local Military, much as we do now. Then, the locals collaborated with the enemy, much as I believe some of these locals do now. I cannot say if it's the Iraqis, or one of the many Turkish, Kurdish, or other nationalities that work on this base that are "sleeping with the enemy", but I can find cause in all instances why they might for their own political ends. And today, I find myself becoming bitter towards all of our locals. I normally go eat at the Turkish restaurant once a day. I like their food. The owner is a friend of mine. Since this morning, I have had absolutely no desire to go and patronize the restaurant, sickened by the fact that I may actually see some of the ING that eat there...some that may have had a hand in this heinous attack on us. I only wonder when we will start talking in the language that apparently these hard liners understand...brute force. When will we stop trying to "kill them with kindness" and start taking the fight to them and ramming it up their asses!! Of the 15 soldiers who died on the 21st, I knew 3 of them. Two from this unit, and one from a neighboring unit, an officer I served with while I was at Ft Campbell, and whom I used to go out to Nashville with. The anger is getting harder to stem as the days go by.

On top of the ever growing anger I'm experiencing, I've been given an assignment that I was praying would be assigned to someone else. I have been appointed the OIC for securing all the personal effects for our two KIA's, and ensuring that it all is packed up and turned over to the mortuary team for transport home. I've spent much of the day going through, inventorying, and packing up these soldiers personal effects. I was alright for much of it, as I tried to think of it as just a task. I had tried to convince myself that the two soldiers were just evacuated to the rear for medical reasons...and that was working for me. Then I ran across one of the soldiers personal photos and a stack of letters that he was saving. One of the jobs I have to do is review all the correspondence and pictures to ensure that there is nothing "embarrassing" that is being returned to the next of kin. There were letters and cards from a girlfriend of this soldier, plus letters from his mother. Pictures of his family, of his girlfriend, and of his friends from home. What this did was put a very real face of the loved ones to this soldier. Loved ones that, as a leader, we hope never to have to meet over these circumstances, and who I now, indirectly, feel I have met. Loved ones that are at home now, grieving over the news they've received in the past 48 hours. I had to take a minute as I stared at the smiling face of a mother who was so proud of her son...as I thought about how tragic this has been...and how lucky many of our soldiers were to not have been more seriously wounded. I sit here with a very heavy heart. With more sadness and sorrow then I have experienced since I got here.

To the families and friends of SPC Nick Mason, SPC David Ruhren, and CPT William Jacobsen, my prayers, my thoughts, and my wishes are with you all during your time of grief.

30 December 2004 - One of the most joyous days in my family has arrived. The first Monihan boy has just become a dad, and will quickly learn what we all put our parents through. My brother, Jim, and his wife, Abbie, gave birth to Cooper John Monihan at 2:07 AM on the 29th of December. Baby Cooper was born at a whopping 9.62 pounds, and at a respectable 20.75 inches. Heck...a few more inches and he'd be as tall as his dad! DOH!! Sorry Jim...a moment of weakness. Cooper is the first boy born into the Monihan family, and this is going to be one spoiled baby (I know I'm going to spoil him as best I can). When we found out they were pregnant, I know that Grandpa Gene was so genuinely excited, and I was ecstatic. Now that Baby Cooper has been born, it's hard to imagine that my brother is a father! There's some level of satisfaction in that, even though it's his child. Amazing how such good news has followed such a tragic week. And this is exactly the type of news I needed to help me mentally. To Abbie, Jim, and Cooper, I am grateful too. Well, with no further adieu, here is Baby Cooper John Monihan at 15 hours old, along with Daddy Jim and Mommy Abbie.